For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
