I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
