I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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