it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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