I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
