Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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