I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
