some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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