i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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