i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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