Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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