I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
