i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
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you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
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My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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