it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
