Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
