remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
And then he peed in my hair
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