Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
