All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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