Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
