i don't plan on having that self control this summer
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i believe in u and ur pee
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
