Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
