11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
