I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
