I wish I only lived at night.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
