She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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