i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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