The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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