I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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