Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
