Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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