remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
