break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the condom got lost in my hair
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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