Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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