woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
