I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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