only you would photoshop your dick
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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