Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
