i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
