I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
