haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
