Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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