Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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