my phone needs a breathalizer
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
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I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
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I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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