Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
