I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
