Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
