I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
