she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
