so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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