her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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