Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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