doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
