Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
