new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
