I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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