Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
