obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
