Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
