That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
