I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
