someone threw a dead crab at me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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