$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
