dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
