This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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