I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
