i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
