This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
