Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
