She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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