I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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