when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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