and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
