I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
